Oh Shoot!

It seemed like my second trimester of pregnancy flew by, of course because it was the best and most comfortable phase.  Around Week 25 - Since my mom lives in FL and didn't get to see me as frequently as she would like while I was waiting on the baby to arrive, she requested we send her pictures for Christmas (this was like 2 weeks before the holiday she suggested the idea to us).  Where in the world would I find a photographer that would take pictures of Matt & I will such little notice before the holidays and with little time to turn around and edit those pictures?  Hmm, we had impravise and thought of several friends/acquaintances that were photographers so now just to see who might have availability - crossing fingers...and toes.  The stars were in alignment and we ended up scheduling for December 18th with a friend that was even willing to drive up to Roswell where we live to shoot. 

The photographer utilized outdoor natural light for her pictures.  As such, we threw out a few ideas for places and the Old Roswell Mill was our determined shoot location.  A couple that Matt & I knew, and were good friends of ours, had just had their engagement photo session there and their pictures were wonderful...so I was filled with excitement.  

The morning arrived and I awoke to the sound of it raining outside.  I went out to take a peek at the sky and noticed was all of a sudden freezing cold out too.  I was not thrilled, but we couldn't afford (time wise) to push back the photo session if we were going to make this Chrismas gift happen.  I got dressed, threw on a scarf and grabbed the few props (ultrasound picture and a watermelon) that we hoped to use and we were out the door.

Stephanie Zell (our wonderful photographer & friend) did a fabulous job and we were so thrilled with the outcome.  You couldn't even tell our fingers were numb and our noses runny :)  We will cherish these pictures forever and I'm sure we'll look back on them as the years fly past.  Thank you Stephanie for capturing these memories!! 

Week 26

It's a Zoo in Here

After the good news mid-September, the next few weeks I had a renewed energy flowing through me.  I had a happy bounce in my every step.  Just two weeks later we started looking at daycares.  I'd heard the good ones filled up fast and some had waiting lists, so I figured lining up some to look at around 15 weeks along would be far enough in advance that we'd find the perfect one with lots of time to spare.  Little did I know this process would take much longer than anticipated. 

I scheduled several facility visits within a two week timeframe, so I could start to get a feel for what I'm getting into.  The first place ended up being too far from home & work and too costly, but super nice.  The second one was right by home and seemed like a decent choice since it was in our budget and seemed small classroom sizes and friendly teachers.  There were quite a few after that initial day that we visited, but all had some pro's and con's to each.  Some we called didn't even have spots available until August 2011 - two months past the end of my maternity leave (estimated return was early June).  The last day I had scheduled some facility visits, Matt decided to join me on a spontaneously, unannoucement visit to a place near home.  This daycare had reasonable costs and a good location, so we both thought 'what's the catch?'  Upon arriving, we were greeted and taken into the infant room...OMG it was like a zoo in there!  There literally were 30 babies and like 4 women tending to them all.  One lady was feeding a baby and bouncing two others in bouncey chairs with each foot.  There were babies crying in high chairs, activity centers and cribs.  I immediately became overwhelmed.  I'm sure that some families can't afford to have daycare facilities that cost 2/3 of their monthly mortgage payment either, but I just couldn't see this being a safe haven for my little angel.  We reluctantly, and forcefully grinning, toured the rest of the facility all the way through Pre-K classes.  The other classes there were more structured and kids are much more independent as toddlers, but PHEW those poor babies didn't get as much nurturing and loving attention as I would've liked in the infant room.  No zoo for us - cute as it may sound.

We started wondering if this was it.  Would we have to settle for sub-par to our expectations simply because it fits into our budget?  Matt decided to post a facebook message to see if anyone could send some daycare references our way.  A friend of ours' wife worked for a state agency that had the resources we were looking for.  She sent us the GA Bright Starts website, which tracked all daycare facilities and in-home providers that were licensed through the state and showed all of their inspection results.  YAHTZEE, we were about to explore a whole other avenue of options.  She highly recommended in-home providers if we could find one close and without any serious inspection violations.  We drilled down to a very few through the search engine that met our standards, and so we began calling to set up interviews and hoping they might have a spot.  Two ladies we interviewed in person ended up being wonderful, so at that point we knew we'd go with the in-home route.  One household had minimum play area outside and the other provider had an early pick of time of 5:30pm (anyone who knows about public accounting, knows the pick up time issue would be brutal during tax season).  We ended up getting the one summer 2011 opening with the provider who closes earlier.  I figured it was worth the sacrafice to have our daughter be able to enjoy the outdoors when weather permitted next summer and fall.  Plus Miss Lynda (the provider we selected) was great and got exceptional feedback from her references! 
http://hugga-bear.moonfruit.com/

It was still a long ways off, but in early December we sent her our first month's payment as deposit.  I couldn't be more relieved that hurdle was behind us.  Now if I could only book this daycare too:

Self Reflection

In the first few weeks that my husband and I knew we were expecting, there was a roller coaster of extreme emotions that we got to experience...the shock of what that urine stick revealed, overwhelming joy of becoming first time parents to a baby girl and scared & hopeful that my little sister would pull through ok in the ICU from her car accident.  None held a candle next to the results we got one doctor's visit for a routine screening. 

Our doctor's office had sent us over to the Maternal Fetal Specialists office to perform a sequential screening.  A sequential screening is a two-part test that screens for fetal Down syndrome, trisomy 18 and open neural tube defects.  On September 7th they basically they drew my blood to send off for several lab tests and then we'd have to go back for an ultrasound so they could take measurements of the baby's limbs and organs.  Once they'd taken my blood, we'd gotten test results a few days later saying everything appeared normal.  We only had a 1 in 5,600 chance our baby could have Down Syndrome - this number sounded scary to me, but nurse assured me it was normal.  There were other tests ran too, but this number was burned into to my memory. 

We were back again on September 16th to have the second part of the screening.  My husband and I had already been irritated by sitting in the waiting room for an hour and now the ultrasound was taking forever too.  Of course I was in love watching our little girl on the small screen in that dark room, but this was not helping my PTO available at work (hence shortening my PTO available for maternity leave).  The nurse got through with measurements and gave us a few pictures she'd printed for us and stated the doctor would be in shortly to go over everything.  Everything seemed routine and normal as she smiled and exited our room. 

After a few minutes the doctor came in and sat down next to us.  She stated that the baby's neck was not measuring thick enough and that they wanted to give us the opportunity to run more tests.  I was confused and felt a lump swelling in my throat.  The doctor said this marker made our odds 10% of what they previously thought for Down Syndrome.  We were now 1 in 560 - gulp.  She told us that an amniocentesis procedure could determine 100% if we were about to face the toughest road ahead.  She explained the procedure and the risks involved.  They'd stick a needle through my stomach and remove a small amount of amniotic fluid, which contains fetal tissues, extracted from the amniotic sac surrounding the baby and the fetal DNA would be examined for genetic abnormalities.  The risks mentioned were serious complications resulting in miscarriage and other possible complications included preterm labor and delivery, respiratory distress, postural deformities, fetal trauma and alloimmunisation of the mother.  She said most patients say they go through the procedure for a few reasons: pregnancy termination is still an option and peace of mind/acceptance of results.  She left us to discuss this option and for us to decide if we wanted to proceed or to leave it as an unknown until the baby's arrival.  

I've never been so scared in my entire life.  I felt like I'd just went over the biggest drop on Six Flag's Goliath roller coaster - my stomach had butterflies and I thought I might throw up.  I would never forgive myself if we go through with the procedure and something happens to the baby, but on the other hand would I be able to forget until her delivery or would I be a train wreck until she's here and we know for sure.  So many 'what if' thoughts were running through my head in those short minutes we were alone.  When the doctor came back in it seemed like it was the best idea for us, in order to move forward, that we have the amniocentesis performed.  As I lay there while they prepped me, I felt our baby's first movements (exactly 13 weeks on Sept. 16th).  It was still a happy pregnancy memory and even though I'd been crying I remember feeling amazed that there is a baby doing somersaults inside of me.  The amniocentesis didn't hurt that bad since they'd numbed me up, but while my eyes were closed I heard the pop of the needle going through my belly.  Ewwy! 

The results took two weeks to test the baby's DNA.  The waiting game was the hardest part to handle.  I really didn't want to talk to anyone about it...not co-workers, friends nor family.  I spent a lot of the next two weeks crying.  It was a self reflection for me as well.  It made me wonder how things would turn out if I had a baby with a genetic abnormality and how I would react if I in fact got that news.  Would my life or marriage ever be the same?  Matt told me 'don't worry until we have something to worry about'.  And still I cried.  He told me a few days later that I was making it hard for him to stay strong, and I started to feel guilty that he was right.  He was being the rock for our growing family and I was clinging to him for every ounce of hope.  I tried to keep my concerns to myself until we got some news since I was really turning into a Debbie Downer.  Plus, the stress I was going through was probably not healthy for the baby either.  It was hard to keep a smile on at work and outside the house.  It was hard to keep my faith.  

The days passed slowly, but finally we got a voicemail from the Specialists office.  My heart was racing.  We would finally know, without a doubt.  I closed my office door and dialed as quickly as my fingers would move.  The nurse's voice sounded like an angel when she said the results are normal.  They also confirmed with her DNA that the baby was a girl and that our pink nursery was a safe decision.  I called my husband and my mom to spread the wonderful news.  The boulder I'd been carrying on my shoulders for 14 days had now disappeared.  I thought to myself I need to try and enjoy being pregnant and nothing else matters, but that our little girl is healthy.  It was an amazing feeling and a relief to everyone who knew.  However, it really made me wake up and appreciate the battles some families can face.  I follow a blog about one of these families journey's because it helped me cope during my toughest times throughout this period of my pregnancy: http://www.kellehampton.com/p/about.html

Having pregnancy hormones already made me think of my deceased grandmother often.  We definitely had an angel watching over us - love and miss you Grandma!

May you always have an Angel to watch over you

Lil G Unveiled

One September day I was sitting in my office at work, trying not to focus on the morning sickness that took over my body for two weeks in my first trimester, when I heard my cell buzzing.  I looked at the caller ID screen (ha - is it still even called that these days?) and it was my brother-in-law Ryan on the line.  I thought that's weird cause Ryan is typically super busy at work.  We'd just recently told our families that we were expecting a little Goldin next March.  Ryan called to give us a great suggestion...what if we both go with our families on the same trip to the doctor to find out the gender of the two Goldin babies on the way (his wife was expecting as well).  They'd tried several times to find out the gender prior to us unveiling our new baby news, but did not have much luck as the baby was uncooperative and crossed its legs each time.  This was a blessing in disguise so that both of our families could share in the wonderful excitment together!  What a perfect idea.  Since they were 5 weeks ahead of us, it only meant they had to wait until we were ready but everyone seemed willing.   

My sister-in-law Abbey set everything up for us, so all we had to do is tell our families.  October 19th, 2010 (week 17 for us) we were both scheduled for a gender determination ultrasound!  We rounded up the clan and it ended up being my Gramps, my little brother, Matt's brother Ryan and their family and Matt's parents who would come with us to hear whether we'd be painting the nursery blue or pink.  The doctor's office we set up the appointment with specialized in early gender determination and even had the ultrasound available onine in real-time so my sister-in-law, and my mom & sister (who were in FL) could watch at home while it was happening.  

Lil G's great Gramps

We were all anxious when the day finally arrived.  I had to make it through the work day before we went in that evening and man I was nervous.  The pressure was on to have the same sex babies so they could build a close relationship with each other growing up together.  We debated who'd go for the first ultrasound and Matt & I got the short straw. 

Once we got there they brought all of us back to the ultrasound room and since they specialized in gender determination they were prepared for lots of family members joining the soon-to-be parents during their visits.  The room was big enough to seat everyone and had a huge screen to project the ultrasound on - movie theather like. Well maybe not that big but definitely 90inch screen at the least.  The nurse said 'ok who's first?'  I hopped up on the table and she began to rub my belly down with warm gel.  My heart was in my throat - even though we'd love Lil G either way, it's a big milestone along the journey.  She pointed out and typed up 'little feet', 'little hands', etc (so my mom & sister could tell at home too).  She kept saying I think I know what the gender is, but kept waiting and waiting to say.  Finally after fifteen minutes (what seemed like an hour of unknown trepidation) of beautiful images of our baby on the screen, she point to a part of the picture and said 'see those three little lines...IT'S A GIRL'.

Up until this point we'd had fun guessing and going by old wives tales, we thought we were going to have a boy.  Then that morning of our gender determination I had a weird feeling, almost like mother intuition, and told Matt that I thought the baby was a girl.  Once the news was out and the nurse typed it into the ultrasound screen, my mom started calling right away.  We still were in the room and had to wait for Abbey to go next.  They already had a boy who was athletic and a cutie, Cannon, and a girl, who was shy yet totally adorable, Janie.  We hoped they could share the same joy as us in knowing who we'd be meeting in 23 more weeks and that their baby would tell us it's secret too.  Much to our surprise, they were expecting a girl as well!  Whoo hoo!!  How fun this ride will be together I thought.  Sharing clothes, childhood memories and family adventures as cousins.  It made me miss my cousins, who I'd grown up so close with when I was young.  Abbey had brought little PINK bracelets that said 'It's a Girl' for all of us...so sweet.  

Afterwards I ran outside to call my mom back to chat.  Everyone had joy in their hearts that evening and my mom was probably the most excited.  She'd already given me a bag full of girl clothes prior to this night and I thought she was crazy because what if we'd had a boy?  I guess she already knew deep down inside though.  As I was on the phone I started thinking about my husband's reaction the moment the nurse said it's a girl.  He looked happy, but slightly scared.  I think he was a bit more relieved when he found out his brother was having a girl too.  I told him that he could still talk to her about football and working out.  I figured once he saw her face he'd be butter anyways.

We all decided to go out for yogurt (Menchie's self serve with endless topping - yum) after leaving the doctor's office.  It ended the evening on a great note.

The two mommy-to-be's

Since we'd spent the evening with family, we didn't get much time that night to talk about the baby news to ourselves before bedtime.  However, I won't forget the very next morning.  Matt must've been thinking about it before he dosed off to sleep the night before because as soon as we woke up the first thing that came out of this mouth before climbing out of bed was 'She's not dating until she's 30!'  Too cute :)

Love At First Sound

Matt and I had found out early August 2010 that we were expecting the newest addition to Team Goldin (side note: we call ourselves this because my clever husband wrote this into his vows the day we were married - May 16, 2009).

Lil G - 8 Weeks

My, clueless to this news, brother-in-law Ryan and his wonderful, pregnant wife Abbey were going to find out August 23rd what the gender of their third baby would be...but fate had an even sweeter idea for us in store. That day came and past for them as the baby was not cooperating and keeping its little legs crossed for no peeking please. They'd have the same results the next try around as well.

My doctor's office sent us to a specialist for the sequential screening we opted for on September 7th. My husband wanted to come along for this appointment since we knew we'd get to see our little sweatpea on the ultrasound. They'd surprised me at my first (8 week) appointment and did an ultrasound to confirm the pregnancy, but this time would turn out to be even more special. We were both anxious in the waiting room. The nurse finally called us back after what seemed like forever, took blood for part of the screening and then walked us to a room where we'd be seeing our Lil G(oldin). Every ultrasound we went through I could hardly blink the entire time as I was in awe and amazement. I was totally shocked on this day when all of a sudden the nurse said 'ok, let's listen to the heartbeat'. It was like I was the Grinch my entire life and in this moment my small heart grew three sizes that day.

It was LOVE at first sound as my heart turned into mush just listening to that tiny heartbeat and watching this line on the screen jump up and down, up and down. This was really the first slap yo momma in the face moment that was like wow this is really happening! Time stopped during that minute or so on that day because I remember it like it was yesterday - it was the most vivid and joyous memory I have of my entire pregnancy. As we walked back to the front of the office to check out the nurses and doctors were congratulating us on becoming parents, which was a strange feeling too since we hadn't openly talked about it with anyone yet.

I was grinning from ear to ear as I drove back to work. I swear I probably looked like the Cheshire Cat the rest of the day! I think we were both about to pee our pants trying to keep this secret much longer. We had to devise a plan to tell our families both fairly. Since my family lived in FL, VA and WV and his was here in Atlanta with us, we decided to send announcements to everyone through the mail. 

"We're Welcoming the Newest Addition to Team Goldin. Expected Meet and Greet is March 24, 2011! Love - Autumn & Matt"

As we rushed to get these cute magnets to our families and a very small number of close friends, a few short days later I discovered my little sister had been in a horrible car accident and was in the intensive care unit. I hated that what seemed like such a happy milestone in our lives would now be a weekend of roller coaster emotions for my family. I prayed my mom wouldn't get the announcement before she left FL to by my sister's side in VA. I didn't want her to feel like she had to be happy for us when my sister needed her undivided attention. However, she did find out at the same time she was rushing to the hospital...talk about draining experiences for her to deal with simultaneously. Hopefully it was a small ray of sunshine in a gloomy thunderstorm for all of us.

We sent her sunflowers to cheer her up since Matt & I couldn't be there.  Thank goodness my strong willed sister eventually pulled through fine.

Everyone was esctatic for us when they heard the new baby news. I remember I was in the car that weekend with my husband when I realized my cell was buzzing and it was one of the friends that we had sent an annoucement. I answered expecting a big shrieking congrats, but heard a sweet and confused voice on the other end. She mentioned that they'd gotten something in the mail and that her fiance thought we were pregnant but she had told him 'no way, it must be for a baby shower for Ryan & Abbey'. She giggled nervously expecting me to back her up and confirm that her man must be coo coo; instead I quietly said SURPRISE as she continued chuckling but abruptly stopped. Of course she was thrilled yet probably not too excited to have to tell the finance that he was right. It definitely was my favorite response and it'll be fun to look back on when we're old and grey.

Now the next unknown leap...is the baby a BOY or a GIRL?

Shhh...Team Goldin Expands

So I've wanted to start a blog since the moment I found out my hubby and I were expecting our first little Goldin, but as you can tell I got a late start (Ashlyn is 3 months on June 30th, 2011).  I wanted to be able to document our experiences, thoughts and create lasting memories since everyone tells me they will fly past and some will be forgotten in the crazy hecticness of mommyhood.  I don't want to miss a beat when I look back, but of course this is inevitable and that's why a blog is important for me - to help relive those moments I want to cherish forever.  As such, the first few blogs will be a look back to the milestones of being pregnant through now.

My journey of mommyhood all began mid-summer of 2010.  My husband, Matt, and I had just returned from my 10 year highschool reunion in Tallahassee, FL the weekend of July 17th.  We'd had a blast carrying on into the wee hours with my old friends and even got to visit/stay with my mom while there...double bonus!  

 A few weeks following I'd started to notice 'man my stomach feels funny and wow my monthly Aunt Flow hadn't visited me yet?'.  I thought it just meant that she'd be here any day.  Boy was I wrong!  Eventually I told Matt and we both decided I should pee on a stick for peace of mind.  Both of us were thinking this was just a fluke since we weren't trying to get pregnant and I was on birth control.  I remember getting a horrible sick to my stomach feeling when I saw a faint pink line, which meant YEP YOUR EGGO IS PREGO.  I had a rush of mixed emotions at first and thought ok its faint so let's just go to the doctor for a blood test and they'll confirm it's not our time yet.  I scheduled my first doctor's appointment for August 12th and BAM our lives changed forever that day.  Later I'd find out that I was 8 weeks along the parenting path and hadn't even known it yet.  Everything was surreal still at this time for us - especially since we didn't plan to tell anyone for a while.  

The very next day after my doctor's appointment I was heading with some girlfriends to Miami for a little girls trip.  Little did I know that I'd be drinking Sprite this whole trip as we'd dance our tushies off each night at the clubs.  Totally changed my perspective in a hurry.      

My brother-in-law, Ryan, had two children and had asked us from the moment we were married when we'd start trying so they could have another and our little Goldin cousins could be close in age.  We insisted that we'd wait until I was 30 (will hit that over-the-hill status this Dec. 2nd) before we got to that point.  On that note, let's skip a little farther back in time.  We'd just found out a few weeks prior that my brother-in-law and his gorgeous, genetically blessed, wife Abbey were expecting their third child and due Valentine's Day 2011.

Once I was over my scared outta my pants feelings of OMG I'm going to be a mommy, we were so thrilled to unexpectantly be fullfilling Ryan's wishes.  We were only 6 weeks behind them in our due dates (EDD for us was March 24, 2011)!!!  Now obviously we wanted to keep it a secret for a tiny bit until we got a little farther along.  Until the next blog...shhh don't tell. ;)